so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
