Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
