peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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