Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
