That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
