so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
