so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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