does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
