I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it glows. i had to have it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
