Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
