we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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