i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
