well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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