in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
