just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
