I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
