I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
