everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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