yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
