Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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