he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
