Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
