Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
