don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
