3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
