we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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