Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
