why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
