Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have already put on my inside pants.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
