another moral hangover. fuck.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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