I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
