Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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