when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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