Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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