Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
