She said her name was "party"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
