tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
