we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
