Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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