you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
