She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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