woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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