Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
