You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We don't watch enough power rangers
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
