mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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