I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
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i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
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All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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