Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
