If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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