Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
