he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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