I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
