Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
