Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
