She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
