My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
