This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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