apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
