U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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