That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
