He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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