I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
