just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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