have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
