I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
