i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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