my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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