I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
