Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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