The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
