how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
